Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize