worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He passed out mid-signature
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
