you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
