I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize