As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
