Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
