my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
