I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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