my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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