i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
