So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
