Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
