I just made out with a guy for $7.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
