I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
