My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
