my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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