Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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