Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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