I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
