break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
do nipples grow back?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
