new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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