My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
