That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
