yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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