So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
