I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
