You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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