no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
