I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
