so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
