The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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