I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
