ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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