Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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