does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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