i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
