zippers are such a cool invention
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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