my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
