so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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