i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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