After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
