I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
