So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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