Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
