my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
