Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
