What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
