you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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