Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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