I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
