I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
