where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize