So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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