I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
