My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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