its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
