I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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