Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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