plz talk dirty to me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
