Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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