I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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