Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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