OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
