I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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