How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You work out of a Hotel?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
