i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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