the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
