Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
