I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
