I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
