first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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