dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
two words: eviction party
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
