When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
