it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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