and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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