there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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