Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
