Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
