Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
