Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
